So many thoughts in my brain. The Man and I had been TTC for a few months at that point. In August I was completely convinced I was pregnant. Smells were bothering me. I didn't seem myself. I don't remember all the details but I distinctly remember telling The Man "I am definitely pregnant this month." I wasn't. Took a test the day AF was due and nothing... only one line. Very late that day AF finally showed up. So not that month.
Then it was September and I was telling The Man "Nope. No luck this month. I know I'm not pregnant. Not a single symptom and totally feeling like AF is going to show her ugly face any moment now."
The morning of September 11th was like every other morning. Got G-man and Mimi up and fed and dressed and ready for school and packed lunches and snacks and made sure they got on the bus on time. Took care of Tinesy and gave her breakfast and got her dressed. It was a very warm day so I put her in summer things and put her hair up, like always. I called my BFF, like every other morning, and we talked while I took care of normal morning stuff; getting dishes washed, throwing dirty clothes into the wash, cleaning the table, and then went to check my email. While I was on the computer the call waiting tone beeped in my ear and I told D "hold on, it's my mom. Just a sec." I hit the button on the phone and said hi and it was my mom sounding distressed. She asked me if I was watching TV and I told her no. She said "Go turn on the TV a plane hit the World Trade Center." I was surprised but not shocked and told her "Okay. Thanks. I'll call you back later okay?" and went back to D. I then told D "My Mom said a plane hit the WTC. Go turn on your TV." We both made our way to our respective TV's and silence ensued. I admit that walking to the TV I was thinking that a small Cessna or maybe a helicopter had accidentally gone into the tower. What I saw on the TV stopped me cold... and D too. I stammered out "D... I'll call ya back later" and she said "Yeah, I gotta go too. Bye" and then I screamed for The Man.
He came upstairs and I pointed at the TV in horror, unable to say anything. We sat on the couch in silence for a moment. Just completely stunned. Not believing what we were seeing. Not being able to grasp the reality of it. While we watched a plane went into the second tower and we were left shaking our heads and not able to think clearly enough for a few minutes to realize that the truth was we were under attack. We both spent our young lives in the view of the towers. The Man is old enough that he remembers them going up. I was 4 when they were completed and to me they had just ALWAYS been there... there across the river... shining and huge and keeping each other company.
I remember watching and hearing Matt Lauer say something along the lines of "Something bad is happening" (I know now that's not exactly what he said but that's what my brain remembers) as the first tower just disappeared in a dark cloud of dust before my eyes. I was shocked. I was stunned. I couldn't believe what my eyes and my brain were telling me had just happened. It just wasn't possible. I couldn't BE. That could not possibly happen. I had envisioned really bad circumstances coming out of the situation of the towers being struck. The lives lost. The devastation. The loss. I never once in my wildest dreams thought that it was possible for them to come down. It took a while, minutes, and I remember all I could think was "There are PEOPLE in that building. OMG there are PEOPLE in there!" It was so completely overwhelming. It was like I didn't want to believe what I knew was true. I just didn't want to. How could a building... not just any building but THAT building just be GONE? Once it sunk in I remember thinking that the sight of that lone tower was so horrible. I wasn't sure if the other tower would come down or not. I figured it was not only possible but likely but I hoped.
We didn't move from the front of the TV. We couldn't. I think at one point I went into the kitchen and got Tinesy a cup of juice and some kind of snack while I continued riveted to the TV and Matt Lauer on the Today Show. The Pentagon had been hit and a flight had gone down in PA. I was in shock. I had a cousin in the Pentagon. I had no idea if he was okay or not. The Man's BIL's brother was in one of the towers (the towers where only a few years earlier his sister went to work each day). I finally looked at The Man and said "I need our family to be together today. Call the school. Tell them I'm on my way." On my way The Man called and told me that the school said we should leave them in school and that they needed "the normalcy." I told him bullshit that family needed to be together today and that I was getting them. He's a smart man, his only response was "Okay." I picked up the children to the complaining of the office staff and my Kindergartner and 2nd grader met me at the office eventually. I scooped them both up in my arms and held them tight and we were on our way home. On the radio were the fears we all had playing out... fear of more attacks... rumors of missing planes and possible attack sites... rumors of crashes in other locations. It was bedlam. Living so close to NYC has it's advantages but it definitely made me scared that day.
We got home and sent the children out in the yard to play so they wouldn't see the coverage. Our oldest complained that he had heard about things and wanted to watch but I told him no and sent him out on that gorgeous sunny day to play. The Man and I just sat transfixed for the entire day. We did what we had to. I made lunches and fed kids. I put Tinesy for nap. We talked to family off and on.... and just watched.
We didn't find out until very late that evening that my cousin was fine and safe. He had spent the day helping get people out. We found out the NEXT day that BIL's brother was safe and fine and that he had gotten out just in time. We were lucky. We knew people that lost loved ones. We knew friends that lost parents. We had friends that lost friends and family. We were just... lucky... just lucky.
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