Daddy

I have two "Dad's" -- for lack of a better term. My mother, who is brilliant, has pretty much the worst taste in men imaginable. A trait that a lot of really brilliant women I know seem to share. I have a whole theory on that but that's for another time perhaps. I had my Opa, who meant the whole world to me, who was a great man... with flaws yes, but great none the less. I grew up with "Daddy issues" as I like to say. Major Daddy issues. I carry them with me to this day like a heavy load on my back, but one I'm accustomed to carrying so I scarcely notice it anymore.

From the time I was too young to be thinking about these sorts of things I remember thinking to myself that some day I would grow up and I would have kids and my girls would have a "Daddy." Not just a man that was their father, but a Daddy. I would think I want to have the kind of girls that love their father so much that when they are 38 year-old professionals with husbands and children of their own they would still call their own father "Daddy" because that is what he would always be to them. I knew I would never have that in my life and so I would daydream about some day MY girl or girls would definitely have that. It was something that was of tantamount importance to me. Something I wanted to make sure would happen. Something I looked at in boys I dated from much too early an age... I would gauge them and think "Could you possibly be a Daddy? A real Daddy for a girl who needs that in her life so much?" It wasn't even that I was thinking of marriage or having a family at those points but I still took that into consideration and pondered it. Yeah. Daddy issues. I know.

I found that perfect man. Probably at an age that most would consider much to young to have found "The One" -- much younger than I would want for my kids to settle down with "The One" but I'm a mother now and your perspective changes. I often tell my kids that I settled down pretty young and that it was without a doubt the best thing for ME but that they are not me. I point out that everyone else we knew that got married that young is now divorced. I tell them that relationships that start when you're 17 aren't really supposed to last a lifetime but that their Dad and I are different than most people in that respect. We have something that is one in a billion. I know when they fall in love for the first time at whatever young age that may be they will also think that they have that one in a billion kind of love... and I will hope for them that they are right because I won't ever want to see their hearts broken. I will know that the odds are against them and be there for them come hell or high water. I also hope that they don't settle down at 17 and that they live more of their life on their own and knowing they are strong independent people. I guess we'll see.

Still looking at our lives and our parenting and our children I think we've done okay. We are far from perfect parents. We make mistakes. Lots of them. We own up to them and we don't hesitate to say that we are sorry. Our children know that we are just human and sometimes we mess up too. They know that we love them like crazy and they also know, sometimes to their own chagrin, that we love each other like crazy. They giggle at us and laugh at us and tell us to "get a room" or joke about "Super Naked Mario Kart" that The Man and I engage in from time to time (in the privacy of our own room of course!). They know that their parents are head over heels in love with each other and with them. I also know from watching that my girls have a DADDY. Not a father who watches from the sidelines or is afraid to touch them or talk to them or relate to them. I know that some day when Tinesy is thirty-something and her phone rings and it's The Man calling her she will respond with an enthusiastic "Daddy!" I know that right now.

So... I just have to say it... completely out of character... I did good :) I gave something to my girls that I never had and always wanted. They will never understand Daddy issues because they will never have them. What they will have is a Daddy. Always.