"I just want a healthy baby"

SN Mom Inside Peek: Misty May Trainer is pregnant again. That's awesome. I'm very happy for her. As her and her husband were signing off they were asked if they want a boy or a girl, having two boys already. The Dad (who is famous but I don't know who he is) said the "right" thing and said that they don't care if it's a boy or a girl because their two boys are such a blessing. He ended by saying "We just want a healthy baby." Very normal, common, every day thing for all expectant parents to say. We've ALL said it at some point I'm sure. Me included.

That's the part where I start to get teared up... and a little bit angry. Unreasonably so. Let me say that I UNDERSTAND it's unreasonable. That doesn't make it stop, it just makes me understand that I can't share that information with the world at large. I can't share that because it's not the socially acceptable thing to do. It's another thing that goes in the column I have learned exists since Boo's birth of "things people don't REALLY want to know." Anyway, I tear up and get upset because my first thought is of Boo of course. Boo wasn't healthy. Boo wasn't healthy from the word go. So what I'm actually hearing, which is completely untrue and not what people are saying at all, is "an unhealthy child wouldn't be good enough for us. We don't want a SICK child." Well, nobody WANTS their child to be sick. Me included. If I could wave a magic want and make Boo "better" I would do in a NY minute... just to make his life easier, not to make me love him any more than I already do -- because that's not possible. However for me when people say "We just want a healthy baby" to me it's like saying "Boo would never be good enough for us" or "We couldn't possibly love a child like Boo the way we would love a NORMAL and healthy child." You don't have to tell me that's not what people are really saying. I KNOW THAT. It's still what I hear though, and it hurts. It's not something I ever thought of before we had Boo. I know for a fact that I said those same words with my pregnancies before we had Boo (I did not say it with my pregnancy with The Kitten). It's one of those things, one of the many things, I need to learn how to deal with better on an internal level. It's something I have to get over and learn how to handle. It's not a way in which I'm going to magically change society or people. I just have to get over that. In my own way, in my own time. I'm a SN Mom. I have a lot to learn.