I think things would be better if...

I've been thinking that a lot lately. Things would be better if.... we weren't so broke... we had more hours in a day... I had more time alone with The Man... we weren't so broke... our families of origin didn't make us so crazy... we had a definitive DX for Boo... we weren't so broke... I wasn't having so many health issues... I didn't need to lose so much weight... we had a little bit of help, just a little bit... we weren't so broke... and on and on. Running theme? Yes, yes there is.

I talked to my therapist yesterday, it was a "different" session this time around. Felt... weird to me. We discussed the option of me going back on meds. The problem is the notable side effect I get from Wellbutrin that seems to be unique to me alone and definitely causes problems in our sex life. We still have a sex life, because that's who we are, but it causes frustration to say the least. So then it begs the question... do I go on meds to help with the obvious depression I'm feeling and thus lose the one thing that I (we?) have that is still magic and chases away the shadows and imbues that post coital euphoria in me that lasts for hours and hours? In a way I feel like it's asking me to chose between the lesser of two evils and I'm not sure which one is the lesser one. The dark thoughts frighten me, they frighten me a lot. Losing this thing we have, even temporarily, frightens me too.