Yesterday a friend of mine posted a status on FB that was typed by her son, her son of the same name and 4 months younger than my Boo. I ached reading it. A short simple sentence, nothing earth shattering or showing genius beyond his mere 6 years. Just a painful reminder when you don't see it coming that takes the wind out of you. It hurts, quick and deep and goes.
Tonight as The Man was putting Boo to bed tonight. Tomorrow he starts SN summer camp again, like every year since he was 3. So The Man told Boo that he has "school" tomorrow and Boo was excited, as he always is about school. Then he asked if the other kids were going to school tomorrow too so The Man told him no. Then he asked why they aren't going and he is. :*( The Man didn't know what to say and after a busy day of swimming and petting zoo and making homemade snow cones and ice scream and lots of fun playing he was asleep in no time.
He came and told me this and I cried. It was yet another moment for me of having the wind knocked out of me when I didn't see it coming. So much of the time he's just our Boo. We know him. We love him. We accept him. Then something comes in and rubs salt in the old wounds reminding us, well me really, that to the rest of the world Boo is not "normal" and "typical." That Boo has problems and issues and he always will. That the rest of the world doesn't see the complete and wonderful loving little boy that we see. They see something else... and force us, for a moment in time to see that too.
I don't feel consumed with guilt all the time as I did once upon time. I still have fleeting moments of it though. I still have that jab of pain that takes my breath away for a few seconds. Like tonight.
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