screaming in my head

I'm being such a total idiot. The Celebi event for Pokemon Pearl, Diamond, Platinum, Soul Silver, and Heart Gold is this weekend. I was thrilled. Stupidly and ridiculously so... like a little girl. Giggling about it like a child. I got two gameboys (my own and Tessa's old one) and my two games that qualify (Platinum and Soul Silver) and put them aside and jumped in the shower prepared to go play and have fun and get... OMG.... CELEBI!!!!

Yeah, in the time it took me to take a shower my gameboys and games all disappeared. Poof.... gone. No child of mine remembered seeing them... and all denied even laying eyes on them much less hands... a search ensued for over an hour to no avail. My games seemed to just vanish from existence. Of course they did. They are MY games and this is the last day of the Celebi event... of COURSE my games that I had carefully put aside in preparation for today were gone. Could it really be any other way? Was there even the slightest chance that this wasn't going to be the inevitable outcome? No, of course not. It just wasn't. This is just how things work out for me.... always. Mami at the bottom of the pile of shit... the last priority... the bottom of the food chain... unimportant and irrelevant.

Finally in frustration and anger I sent The Man to take G-man, Mimi, Tinesy, and Biggle to the Game Stop so that they could get THEIR Celebi's for their games. The Man said that they shouldn't but really I wanted them gone so I could have an immature childish cry over the entire situation. It's stupid. It's just a game and just a Pokemon... I'm a 42 y/o mother of 6 this shit shouldn't even matter to me.... and yet it does and I'm sad and heart broken. I'm just thankful that I could cry alone and not look like an idiot and be humiliated in front of everyone. Pffft. I don't know. Does it even matter? Do I?