I don't let people in... is that it?

It's come to my attention recently how little people really know about things in our family and our day to day lives. How little they understand about the every day minutia and decisions and outside influences that effect our family, as a whole and individually. I don't tell people. I just don't. I don't know why really. Maybe it's that it's just too complicated. Maybe it's that it's too involved. I don't know. I just don't.

Talking to a friend today she asked me the simple question of "Did you guys get the flu shot this year?" Without thinking I quickly responded "No, we never do." She told me how they get it every year ever since their whole family got slammed with a very bad flu several years ago and it laid them all out. I told her that happened here many years ago but not for a long time now and that we don't do flu shots because "Boo doesn't do vaccines.... and by extension neither does the Kitten." This piqued her interest, for good reason I think, and she said to me "Boo doesn't DO vaccines? What does that mean?" Then it hit me the can of worms I had just opened... took me THAT long to figure it out . So then comes the explanation that Boo could possibly have a mito or meta disorder... and that CDC does NOT recommend routine vaccines for people that are in either one of those two categories. So in compliance with Boo's specialists he has not been vaccinated, he has had a few but he is FAR from being fully vaccinated... VERY FAR. As an upshot Kitten is not vaccinated because injecting her with vaccines that contain diseases and then exposing her to Boo it presents a clear and present danger to Boo. He COULD come down with one of these illnesses that regular kids are vaccinated against but he cannot be. It's a risk we are unwilling to take. It puts the Kitten at some risk of course but not as high a risk as it would put Boo. It's a "lesser of two evils" kind of decision for us. Not an easy one but the one we felt was best. It was a little difficult to explain to someone who has never walked in our shoes or had to make these kind of decisions before. It was hard for me to try to "justify" our decisions... it's wrong that I felt I had to "justify" anything... and in a way I didn't because I know this friend of mine would not judge me or our decisions... but I felt it inside my own head.

It's strange this journey we are on with our special needs child. I find that it's me that choses not to share most of the time. I've also found that people don't REALLY want me to as well, a lesson I learned fairly early and very well. I learned quickly that when someone would say "How's Boo?" their eyes would immediately glass over and regardless of what I said I would hear "Oh, that's nice." Blech... that's not the point though.

The thing is that nobody is close enough to us to see and nobody understands how it goes. In fairness I guess I don't really allow that. I guess this is part of why I so often feel so alone in all of this. I don't know any other way though. Nobody understands because A) Nobody can B) I don't let anyone and C) I don't see that changing any time soon. Makes me sad in some ways, but I don't see any other way.

Blah blah blah... just blabbering.