fucking it all up

God gave me these kids and it seems that at every turn I take and decision I make I'm fucking it up. I am letting them down and failing at this. They are the ones that ultimately suffer. I am a miserable failure at this and the ones I love more than life itself are the ones that pay the consequences. I don't know how to make this better... because I cannot. I have fucked up and there is NO going back and making it right. I am a horrible person.