rollercoaster

I feel like I'm on an emotional roller coaster lately. Up and down and up and down and ARRRRRRRROUND and up and down and upside down.

The holidays. I love Christmas. I hate the time leading up to Christmas. Six kids to shop for with very little money. Christmas cards, although not this year since we're positively broke. Teacher gifts and holiday concerts and parties and birthdays and on and on and on and on. It's stressful. I love Christmas day because then the stress is over and the real fun begins.

I'm also stressing about G-man's band trip this year. To think of my boy leaving two days after Christmas and not coming back until into the New Year is hard for me. I mean really hard. I actually got teary today talking to The Man about some of the details of the trip. I don't know how I'm going to do this and truthfully I worry about how G-man will be he still very attached and dependent in a lot of ways. I know he'll do fine, he's going to have a ton of fun and he'll be fine. I'm more worried about me :(

Then I've been having some major Biggle guilt lately. That's a really long complicated thing but the short story is that since Boo came into the family and turned everything and everyone in this family upside down Biggle has pretty much been getting the short shrift. He's too often overlooked and pushed aside because with Boo and all his needs and now the Kitten and all her needs (of just being a typical baby but a baby that requires a lot of time and attention) there never seems to be enough hours in the day to find time for sweet Biggle. He's only 6 y/o. He still needs us, he's still just a little boy but we're so overwhelmed most of the time that we overlook him and his needs. The big kids, along with The Man and I, have had a tendency to group him in with "the big kids" instead of as a "little 'un" like he should be and I think Biggle has suffered in ways because of this (it also has certain advantages but I don't think that the advantages have outweighed the drawbacks). So that is niggling at me eating away at my soul too.

Then there's the money situation and the house situation and you just end up in one of those lows. Here I am now.

I'm also excited because it IS the holidays and G-man's birthday is tomorrow and that's always exciting for me. I love the kids birthdays, all of them, and I find myself as giddy as a schoolgirl when they come around. It's such a joyous occasion for me... for the kids too of course, they love their birthdays but I so love it.

I'm just rambling. I can't seem to get my head on straight today. So up and down and up and down and ARRRRRRRROUND and upside down we go.