Mostly I'm listening to G-man, Tinsey, and Biggle in the kitchen. G-man is helping Biggle with a science kit he found while we were clearing out the house and throwing away 90% of the crap we had around here. Biggle is excited about it. G-man kind of grudgingly agreed to help him when I cajoled him a wee bit. He's actually having fun now but he would never admit that. I know that about him. I know that young man, better then he probably realizes.
What catches my attention and calls me to move my fingers across the keyboard is that as Tinesy enters the conversation they start a new subject. Tinesy mentions how G-man must be "very patient" (as he winds a thin wire around a toilet paper roll 100 times... without overlapping!) and he calmly and cooly says "Ummmm.... Tinesy.... I have OCD." Tinsey says, with a question in her voice, "Yeah what does that have to do with anything?" G-man kind of chuckles low in his chest and responds "Because this is what I *DO*, Tinesy." She's still confused and I can hear the shrug of her shoulder from here in the family room as she says "Huh?" He, still calmly and without remorse or pain or any kind of caring, says "I have OCD. This is what... Oh LOOK... SHINY!!" Tinesy laughs. Biggle says "What?" G-man explains "I'm saying that I have OCS but I also have ADD, Biggle." Biggle says he still doesn't understand. So G-man goes on to explain what OCD and ADD are and why he does things the way he does sometimes. Why he paces the house so often. Why he gets sucked into things so easily and has a one track mind when it comes to certain things. Why he repeats certain acts sometimes (not often). Just very matter of factly stating "this is who I am and this is why I am this way."
It makes me think. You know... he's not perfect. He's got issues. He's aware of his issues and he's okay with that. We're aware of his issues and we're okay with that. We all think he's pretty much perfect just the way he is. I love that he can talk about these things about himself with no humiliation or shame. He's not embarrassed. He's not ashamed. He's just stating facts. This is who I am. In the same way and tone he would say "I have brown hair." It's just part of who he is. My God I am so proud of that young man. He's amazing.
He told us last night, he said "it feels like a lie when I write on my college applications that I have learning disabilities because I don't feel like I do have any." He told us how he takes all the honors classes and AP now and then and that he's "just like the other kids." We told him he IS like the other kids. He just has to work a little harder and a little longer to get the same grades and do the same things. I explained how the fact is that Tinesy is NOT any smarter than he is. Yet she gets slightly better grades than he did at her age. Also that MOST nights she spends maybe an hour on homework and every once in a blue moon she'll have a day where she has to spend 3 or 4 hours on homework HE was routinely doing 4 or more hours of homework a night at her age. Because for him it's harder. It's harder to concentrate and stay on task. It takes longer for him to get through assignments and he has to overcome his OCD (and perfectionism) so it just takes him longer to complete assignments. It's easier for Tinesy to get slightly better grades because she doesn't have the same difficulties to overcome that he does. It makes them both absolutely brilliant, it just makes him have to work harder to show it. He seemed to get it at that point I think.
Mostly I'm just glad that it seems ALL of our kids know who they are. They know that they face difficulties and challenges and what their strong and weak points are and they are okay with them. I think it's because they know that WE know them too and that we're okay with them and understand it's all part of the magic that makes them who they are as individuals. So while I may beat myself up a lot about not being a great Mami... we're certainly doing some things right that's for sure.
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