Uninsurable Boo

Today I'm still feeling that afterglow of Boo's birthday, but I'm also feeling angry and disappointed. Going to get heavy and political here so forgive me....... Basically everyone in my family and The Man's family oppose this health care bill. Truly that just breaks my heart. The fact is that Boo directly benefits from this bill. This is something that will change his life. The truth of the matter is that once Boo no longer qualifies to be on The Man's insurance he WILL become on of the multitude of the "uninsurable" in this country. No insurance co. will ever cover him because he has a "preexisting condition." It's no fault of his. He didn't do anything to have this condition. He did nothing wrong. He's not a lazy welfare bum who expects the rest of the world to take care of him. He's just a person that was born with a congenital medical problem that will forever keep him from finding coverage. Yes, I do feel guilty about this to an extent. Of course I do, I'm his mother... I think it's what mothers do. When this bill passed I sat on my couch with The Man's arms around me and I wept. I didn't have a little cry. I mean I sobbed... shaking shoulders, big fat juicy tears streaming down my face wept. Because for the first time since Boo was born I felt like somebody was looking out for him and he would be taken care of. The fact is that I have always known that if, God forbid, anything ever happened to The Man Boo would be totally fucked. He would never get insurance again and I don't exaggerate when I tell you that it would keep me awake at nights as that thought filled me with fear. So this bill for ME was like taking the weight of the world off my shoulders for the first time in 5 years.

Here we are, with our beautiful son, and our entire family are all against this. They scream of their freedoms being taken and their wallets being pilfered and their rights being stripped and of the socialization of America..... and it tears my heart to ribbons. Because what I hear our FAMILY saying is "We don't give a flying fuck about Boo. We don't care what happens to him or if he can't get insurance. It's not OUR problem, OUR children are just fine. YOU and your reject son son don't matter to us and we don't care if he dies due to lack of health care so long as you don't come crying to US for money for the funeral either." That's what my heart hears. That's what goes through my mind. It's dark and ugly... it's the dark and twisty part of me that goes there... I know that. Like I tell my therapist... I have issues but I am VERY self aware. For me it reinforces even more that desire to hide away with Boo and keep him away from the rest of the world, and from even our own families. It makes that desire to protect him from the entire world and from the hateful and selfish and stupid people in this world that would seek to hurt him -- even if indirectly or unaware of it.

So I feel hurt. I feel injured. I feel like Boo doesn't matter and they see him as somehow less valuable and precious because he has a brain injury. Somehow that makes him not as important as a healthy child or a typical child. I want to scream at them all that if they don't love Boo enough to care about his future and his health and his ability to get health care into adulthood then they have NO right to be in his life now. They don't deserve the honor of even being in his presence. They don't deserve the blessing of knowing him and claiming him as their family. Yes... maybe over the top. Maybe. The thing is that not only will I stand in front of an on coming train to protect my child but I will run toward it at full speed with every intention of destroying it to protect my child, and especially Boo who needs that protection even more. So tell me I love my kids too much or that I'm too overprotective. I don't care. Boo and I have already faced ugly people and hurtful behavior because of his issues and I will do what I can to protect him from that in the future.... even if it means protecting him and keeping him from his own family.