Happy death day. It's February 11th. It's the.... 23rd anniversary of David's death. Not a year goes by I don't mark the date or feel extra sad and overwhelmed on this date. Not a year goes by that this date passes me by unnoticed. I deal with it much better now. I mean I get on with my day and my kids and my life and I live it and I'm okay... maybe just a little bit sad.
I don't even know what to say to be honest. I guess I just feel the need to mark the day. I need to feel that it's remembered, David is remembered. He isn't forgotten. He is still loved and held in people's hearts... in my heart. So I need to say it out loud in a way and say that he will not be forgotten, not by me, not ever.
I love my husband. I love my husband with a love I didn't know existed until him. I love him forever and always and as kindred spirits that were meant to be together. I think it bothers people that I remember David and miss him and still hurt over losing him sometimes. It's not ever that I want David and not The Man. It's not that I want that back and to erase my life with The Man for a "could have been" life with David. That's not it at all. It's just that the 17 year-old foolish girl I was will always love David and that small piece of my soul and my heart will belong to him always. I think that's the case with anyone you love you, you leave a tiny little piece of yourself with them always. I love The Man. I would die without him. He is my sun and moon and night and day and everything to me. I honestly believe in my heart that God created us as two halves of a whole to be together and find comletion in each other. Still.... I miss David sometimes. I miss him today. I think of his family and loved ones and my heart aches for them too.
I miss you. It's been 23 years and I live a good happy life with my family, but you are always remembered.
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2 comments:
Of course you miss him. He will always be in your heart. Love isn't something that dies along wtih death, and even though you are happy with your life, you remember he didn't get a chance to live his.
I was not wtih my ex when he passed away, but sometimes the thoughts of him not being in this world brings me to my knees. He deserved a chance, and it doesn't seem fair he didn't get a chance to have it.
Thanks for saying that Robyn. It really does help. It helps to know that someone (other than Ed) thinks that it's okay that I miss him and it still hurts. So thank you so much for that.
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