If They Only Knew

I have been married to The Man (TM) for going on 24 years now. We've been together as a couple for.... counting..... 28 years come May. I adore him. I mean really adore him. I love him. Not just love but I'm IN love with him. I see couples of other people my age and they love each other. They love each other in that way that you love your best friend but not your lover. It's different. Both are important and relevant and necessary and important in a marriage. I am madly in love with my husband though; deeply, crazy, obsessed, crave him kind of love. I love him as my best friend too of course. I love that I can be who I really am with him and he sees me, he really sees me, and he loves that... those sides of myself I don't let anyone else see... he loves those places. The broken, cracked, dark and twisty parts of me that scare even me... he loves those too.

Here's the thing... TM's two sisters both wish they could split us up. I know this for a fact because it is something they have shared with, and said out loud, to other people. Other people who say things to me. They don't think I'm good enough for him. They think he could do better. They think he deserves better... more. They think that he's "settled" for me. They think I am unworthy. I'm sitting here smirking as I type this because the thing is.... I agree with them. I totally and competely agree with them on every point. TM is without a doubt the most incredible and amazing human being I have ever known or met in my life. He is... he's.... everything. He's not perfect and I know that. He has human flaws just like everyone else. I know that. Still the thing is that he is incredible, warts and all. I think every day that he could do so much better than ME. I think every day that he deserves more than ME. I ponder every day why it is that he has chosen to love ME. Here's the thing though... it is what he has chosen. He does love me. He loves me with every fiber of his being. He loves me completely and totally. He would be lost without me... I know that. He needs me and he loves me and he wants me and this thing between us is real and palpable and magical and I treasure it. So yeah, the wicked sisters have a point in wanting their brother to have MORE and BETTER. The thing is that this is what he wants and what makes him happy and what fills his soul up. So fuck them and what they think and me and what I think sometimes too.

So yes, I tell him every day how much I adore him. I tell him often that I don't just love him but that I am in love with him, (it makes a difference). I show him in any small ways that I can what he means to me. I touch him and kiss him and like to drive him crazy with passion because it sparks me to life too. I'm not a perfect wife. I'm not a perfect mother. I'm not the perfect lover. I try though. I really really try and I make an effort every single day.